WHY is talking about money, except in investors鈥 briefings and economic forecasts, squirm-inducing? Social conversation has consigned money talk in the same category as political affiliations among topics to be avoided. Why isn鈥檛 wealth as acceptable as health? Isn鈥檛 the risk of high cholesterol in steaks a conversation starter? This can be brought up casually even with those just newly met.
The favorite villains of telenovelas both male (dance instructor) and female (pole dancer) are scheming fortune hunters going after wealthy but na茂ve targets of both sexes who are both old and overweight. The favorite defense of the senior citizen against seemingly well-meaning relatives and friends, warning him of the dangers of sweet-talking schemers out to get his money, is denial 鈥 she never asks for cash, just a litany of needs.
In bank 鈥渨ealth management鈥 circles, money is at the center of social discourse. There is an observed rise in cases of 鈥渆lderly abuse.鈥 Family members are capable of surreptitiously charging groceries, home repairs, and sneakers to the credit card of the old widow who signs anything put to her 鈥 Mom, this is just a gate pass for the delivery of the brochure for an art auction.
Among wealthy couples, talking about money is almost routine. This includes subjects like the sale of an art collection, purchase of a car or condo, and where to celebrate anniversaries abroad鈥usiness class or economy? Discussions rest on priorities in allocating shared resources. Should it be her Birken bag or his antique watch? Sometimes the couple is wealthy enough not needing to choose one over the other. They talk about money like the weather and their favorite pasta.
Social occasions, including birthdays, funerals, and weddings are no longer bashful in suggesting the most appropriate gift 鈥 we prefer cash. (Please omit flowers.) What happened to the donations in the giftee鈥檚 name to worthy causes like nutrition programs for the poor?
The monetary aspect of human relationships can be glossed over. There is the mistaken notion that economics and emotion are mutually exclusive, meaning that it is a case of one or the other. Can they co-exist? Can鈥檛 natural charm (he has a wonderful sense of humor) be combined with economic clout (he has a flat in London with a library of jokes)?
In a romantic moment, the wealthy man may ask his young and fetching female companion a question 鈥 would you still love me if I was poor? The realistic answer would be: 鈥淥f course not.鈥 But the more probable reply is ambiguous: That would make you a different person, Dear. She may add that what she really loves about him anyway is his mastery of Shakesperean sonnets. Does she not appreciate the Bard鈥檚 iambic pentameters? Of course, she does.
Why is talking about money, even among those who work together, such a fraught topic?
When a subordinate asks for a meeting with his boss to 鈥渄iscuss my career,鈥 there is often the clearing of throats and a certain discomfort when the former gets to his point. How long ago was his last raise? Why is the newly hired executive already farther ahead than him in the rat race? This conversation is bound to end badly for the subordinate 鈥 well, if you鈥檙e not happy here, you can review your other options outside.
Certain marriages, especially when one party is much richer than the other, have now included money talks in the wedding preparations. The prenuptial contract (or 鈥減renup鈥) tackles the contingency of a break-up and how this will be handled in terms of asset distribution for the conjugal properties. (Nothing for you, Babe). This setting of financial pre-conditions is already part of the wedding planner鈥檚 to-do list. A prenuptial meeting to discuss the contract with the lawyers and prospective in-laws is calendared ahead of the engagement party.
Money matters should just be part of ordinary conversation and not be something embarrassing to bring up over lunch. (How do we split the bill 鈥 Dutch Treat?)
Anyway, money should not hog any ordinary conversation. It may be too cynical to follow the Beatles song which states 鈥 鈥淢oney don鈥檛 get everything it鈥檚 true/ What it don鈥檛 get I can鈥檛 use/ Now give me money, that鈥檚 what I want.鈥 (Are you nodding your head to the beat?)
Few will talk about money so blatantly. But it won鈥檛 hurt to bring it up ever so gently鈥 when the occasion arises.
Tony Samson is chairman and CEO of TOUCH xda
