Soliciting donations for a grieving colleague

This is my first time to work as a human resources (HR) manager for a company managed by foreign nationals. Yesterday, the spouse of one worker died, and some workers initiated an abuloy collection drive. I am worried how this cultural practice might come across to some of the foreign managers. — Drama Mama.

In many Filipino private and public organizations, extending financial help to a bereaved colleague is almost automatic. It’s not about the money but showing that you and other employees’ care.

It’s common to see an envelope quietly being passed around to collect abuloy. It’s not compulsory, but serves as a demonstration of pakikisama (camaraderie). At any rate, colleagues are not expected to give a large amount of money.

In many foreign-managed work environments, however, especially those influenced by Western management practices, the workplace is expected to be free of any form of solicitation, regardless of its purpose and the amount of money involved.

What’s understood as pakikisama may, in some foreign culture, be seen as a policy violation, an ethical gray area, or even an HR compliance risk. That’s because what feels like generosity for Filipinos can feel like pressure to foreigners, regardless of the collection’s voluntary nature.

Western ethics are guided by fairness and neutrality. No one should feel coerced, even subtly, to contribute to a cause they might not personally support. This difference in mindset often creates an awkward tension: employees want to show sympathy, but foreign managers may not like it.

Should they allow the donation drive, or risk appearing cold-hearted by saying no?

Welcome to the globalized workplace, where good intentions need management approval.

GLOBAL RULES, LOCAL HEARTS
No company policy manual can capture the full spectrum of human emotion. When a colleague’s family member dies, the corporate playbook rarely tells us what to do beyond granting bereavement leave. Yet, in human terms, the question isn’t just about policy — it’s about decency.

In some cases, multinational firms operating in the Philippines eventually learn to adapt. They recognize that local culture values community support. Therefore, HR should take a proactive approach by doing the following:

One, review precedents and previous cases. Since you’re new to the organization, it’s best to check with people who know better. If solicitation was allowed before, review the reasons and under what conditions. It’s best to be prepared for any eventuality if you decide not to perpetuate such precedents.

Two, allow voluntary participation. There should be no pressure, no guilt trips. However, this is more difficult than it seems. People would rather give something not out of compassion, but to address the invisible pressure they feel. Imagine a situation where an abuloy collector waits in front of your work station for your share.

Three, require discreet coordination. Use personal channels instead of official company platforms. That means, people may not be able to use company e-mails, even company time or similar approaches to carry out a solicitation campaign. Rather, encourage them to give their abuloy directly to the bereaved worker.

Four, prepare an official management expression of sympathy. The organization could send flowers, a mass card, and a token amount. It’s the right balance between empathy and professionalism that should not weigh on the workers’ shoulders.

Five, lead by example. Sometimes, a personal note or visit from management and its representatives means more than any amount of money. The real goal isn’t to raise funds, but to raise morale.

LEADING WITH EMPATHY
Compassion doesn’t have to clash with compliance. In fact, culturally intelligent HR departments can use these moments to strengthen the organization’s emotional intelligence. That means showing genuine concern through culturally attuned actions.

When leaders acknowledge grief and allow space for compassion, they’re not just being kind; they’re reinforcing trust and engagement.

I once talked to a Japanese executive who had been living in the Philippines for more than 35 years, who proposed to manage the situation by taking the best of both cultures: “In Japan, we follow rules. In the Philippines, we follow relationships. The best leaders learn to do both.”

COMPASSION AS A KPI
In management terms, kindness doesn’t appear on the balance sheet, but it does reflect in employee retention, morale, and engagement. A company that balances rules with respect for human emotions earns something more valuable than compliance — loyalty.

So, is it appropriate to solicit donations for a grieving employee’s family in a foreign-owned company? Yes, but only if done with discretion, sensitivity, and consent. Compassion is universal, but it must pass through the right HR channel. There’s nothing wrong with passing the hat — as long as you’re not passing the buck.

In a globalized workplace, empathy must come with etiquette. The most admired leaders know that policy keeps order, but compassion keeps people. The best organizations don’t just manage resources — they manage relationships.

Have a free consultation of your workplace issues with Rey Elbo. E-mail [email protected] or DM Facebook, X, LinkedIn or via . Anonymity is guaranteed.